Low Self Esteem

What percentage of people have low self esteem?

Accurate low self esteem statistics are hard to come by. One can get a general sense of it by studying the behavior patterns of low self esteem and the behavior patterns of high self esteem. Sadly, it would appear that many people are living with this modern affliction ... even when free help is at hand!

Definition of low self esteem

It is perhaps best described as having a low opinion of oneself (either consciously or not), and/or feelings of being 'worthless'.

It can surface in thoughts and in feelings and will often appear to manifest physically - in body postures, actions and health.

All of this can result in:

• Feelings of 'being stuck'
• Low motivation
• Low energy levels
• Lack of physical activity
• Potentially destructive behaviors
• Depression
• Feeling helpless to change anything
• Relationship difficulties: Low self esteem and divorce are unhappy partners.

Typical behavior patterns of low self worth and esteem

There are a whole range of externally obvious behaviors ... and some internalized ones that are not so easy to spot.

External

• General lack of participation.
• Negative commentary/responses to questions.
• Sluggish physical behavior.
• Excessive use of activities for escapism (TV, Videos, Internet, Video Games, Reading). Be careful of overanalyzing here as this alone is not an indicator.
• Aggressive/argumentative behavior.
• Indecisiveness.
• Unwillingness to try anything new (anything from new food through to goal setting).
• Inability to say no (needing to be liked/loved by others by saying yes).
• Needing to prove self worth and 'status' by boasting, making public claims about capabilities (whether true or false).

Internal

• Negative self talk. ("I can't"; "I won't be able to ...").
• Frequent future-based mental movies that end in disaster or unwanted outcomes.
• Mental 'replaying' of past events where personally unpleasant outcomes were experienced.
• Disassociation from success or high self esteem activities: Cannot mentally see oneself in that situation or by using self talk such as "That's not me ...".

This is certainly not an exhaustive list, but if you or someone you know, falls into many of the categories above, there is a good chance they are experiencing low self worth.

The good news is that you can usually easily overcome obstacles to high self esteem - the trick is to find the right activity that 'breaks the vicious circle'.

Self esteem: How to improve it

This can get tricky as any change requires a certain amount of motivation - something those those experiencing low self worth may not have much of.

And just trying to be a cheery and positive person around them can even make it worse. I'm sure we have nearly all experienced the "Cheer up, it may never happen!" type of 'advice!

Avoid this trap!

Self esteem is not something that we have, it is something we do ... every minute of every day. So a treatment plan for low self esteem that is based around it being a 'thing' has much less chance of being successful.

What works: Activities to build self esteem.

Focus on the processes - the 'doing' part (or 'not doing') of self esteem.

Can you:

• Replace self talk or change it?
• Use affirmations to stimulate positive emotions?
• Use some form of physical activity to provide an endorphin boost, resulting in a 'feel good' sensation.
• Facilitate some introspection to diagnose poorly formed mental movies about the past or future?

It may only take something small to give you some extra motivation - the difference that makes the difference.

Continuing to build self esteem

This is a daily activity. Stuff happens!

Everyday, things happen to us ... or we make things happen ... that is part of the beauty of living!

However, self esteem is built, not by what happens, but by how we respond to it.

And notice the choice of word: respond.

Many people react to life, rather than respond. But ask yourself this:

If your doctor said: "You are reacting to the treatment!", is that better or worse than saying "You are responding to the treatment!"?

Continuing to build self esteem is all about responding - and learning how to choose your responses.

How do you do that? Check out some of these great (and free!) recommended resources below:

Self esteem worksheets and activities

Of course I recommend you sign up for my Free 21-Day Building Self Esteem Course. The course contains stacks of helpful processes, worksheets and activities for building self esteem. The free 56-page workbook alone may well give you some further ideas for helpful activities. It will also help you understand for yourself more about the practicalities of how self worth is created. You can sign up and have your workbook within minutes here.

Excellent resources (including more free stuff) can also be found at Mike Brescia's Think Right Now site: Go to:
http://www.selfesteemplus.com/Think-Right-Now. Mike also specializes in repatterning our thoughts to those of high self esteem, self worth and success.

Some people also have had great success using hypnosis as a less confrontational approach. You can learn more from watching this video: